I keep asking myself what i want..
I still dont get any answer..
Why is it so difficult?
I dont know why either..
I really really dont know what i want..
I really kept asking myself..
Parents keep asking me..
I have alot to say BUT not to them..
Why should i tell them about how i feel when i know all i get back is nagging & all..
Why cant they just listen to what i have to say instead of commenting so much & it turns into nagging..
This is not what i want..
I know my parents hate me because they say they have never met any child who is like me..
Not wanting to find job to support the family..
Not that i dont want or dont wish to..
Its purely because i dont know what i want to work as..
But all they think is what is it so difficult to think what you want to work as?
I also dont know why but i just dont know..
No idea of what industry i want to work in..
I dont have ability to work in big companies..
I dont have the education cert to work at high ranks..
All i can is jobs that people dont want..
Jobs that people detest because of the long working hours..
Jobs that people detest because of the low pay..
Jobs that people dont like..
Why must i be the one to be taking the jobs that people detest/dislike & dont want..
One simple reason is..
I dont have the LOCAL DIPLOMA certificate that people are looking for..
This is the reason..
I really hope that i can just get a big sum of money throw to my parents & just kill myself off..
The sum of money that is enough to support them till they dead..
Yes i know..
But at least i've returned the money they have spent on me for my past 21 years..
In my next life i shall be born more cleverer so that i am someone with master or degree certificate so that i can earn alot of money to support them..
I know this is wrong thinking..
Maybe to them they feel that i am just living everyday with no stress..
Not thinking in the shoes of them..
With no fear that no one is supporting the family & we are already running out of money to pay for daily bills..
But who says so?
I never say so you think this way..
I also feel stress..
I also find myself useless why cant i be more cleverer to be someone good in studies..
Why am i who i am now?
Why cant have a good job have a stable income & support my parents..
Sometimes i also think that why must god be so unfair to me..
Letting me take all this stress all by myself..
Why must they only be poor when they are already so old?
I rather be poor when i was young..
I rather not be able to travel around when i was young..
I rather they be poor when i was young & rich now so that they need not slog like hell to live now when they already are so old..
Do you think i feel happy when i see this?